Huffingtonpost recently posted an article/opinion piece on adoption and loss.
A lot of times I totally disagree with what’s posted there, but this time, I agree with them. A lot of adoptive parents read this, though, and then felt guilty for wanting a family, for taking a child out of their biological home. Here is my response:
As far as this article is concerned, I can say as an adoptee they are right. It’s complete bullshit to tell someone they should be grateful. You were born without eyes? Be grateful you have a nose. Wha?? People are just dumb. Adoptees do have a loss. But for adoptive parents to feel guilty – YOU didn’t create that loss. You are providing a replacement, yes, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t as good as or better than the original. Acknowledging the adoptee’s feelings, letting them have those feelings, does a world of good. Telling them not to feel them is what does damage. Adoptees have this fantasy world – even abused children who remember severe abuse- about their natural parents. I dont’ know why. I was sure I was a princess, kidnapped, even though I knew my mother was 15 and unmarried. I’ve fostered children who have suffered severe abuse and instead of thinking “thank god i’m out of that house” they want to go back to their moms who “loved them” by beating them senseless… it is just a wiring in our brains or something. DO NOT feel guilty. Adoptive parents have nothing to feel guilty about. Life is not fair. Shit happens. You do your best to deal with it and move on.