A series of questions have been asked over and over in the forums, probably for all time. “How do I stop worrying about the future of my child, he’s only 4?” “How do I forget that my child just tried to scratch my eyes out when 2 minutes later he comes to me for a hug?” “How do I move on after a 2 hour rage by my teen, when he walks in the room 10 minutes later as if nothing has happened?”
I’m the kind of person who can forgive, but I never forget. (Just ask my husband, LOL.) But when it comes to these issues that happen constantly, I felt like I was literally losing my mind. The only thing I could do, outside of turning to hard alcohol or running away from my life, was to simply Let.It.All.Go. I had to “forget” as well as forgive. I had to stop worrying about 10 years down the road, and work on the “right now” with my child. Worrying about the future wasn’t going to change it, it was only hurting me and my health, and severely limiting my ability to help my child and family. Keeping those things my child had done to hurt me bottled up inside was building up into a nuclear reaction type of explosion. I simply couldn’t hold onto those things and my sanity, or any sense of being a good human being. I had to let them go. It sounds easy, but oh, it is not. Mine came out of pure self survival, but I work hard at continuing that, so when the child comes for a hug and it is a true moment of connectedness, I can be there, in the moment, with love. I’m not always successful, don’t get me wrong. But I try my best, that’s all I can do.
Whether your gig is mediation, prayer, a long hot shower, aromatherapy, losing yourself for 30 minutes in a stupid tv comedy, or running on that treadmill like the devil himself is chasing you, look at cute cat pictures on Facebook, funny animal videos on Youtube, dance around your house like a maniac to 80s songs singing at the top of your lungs, whatever it is, find your thing and do it. Get rid of the negativity, the feelings, and just let go. Because this thing, or this series of things, is small in the big picture of the life and future of this child. There is so much more at stake here than pee on a carpet or a broken window or a smashed figurine. That doesn’t mean there’s not consequences for behavior, or ignore the behavior, I just mean don’t hold it inside of you where it can fester and rot. Deal with it, and let it go, and move on. Same goes for worry, is the thought something that you need to attend to right now? Maybe you need to read a book about that topic, or talk to the therapist. But if it’s a general worry – acknowledge it, and let it go, and move on. If there’s nothing you can do right now about that worry, then now is not the time to think about it and waste your precious energy on it.
If it helps, dance around the house singing the song from Frozen at the top of your lungs. It will drive everyone else in your family crazy, and that alone, for the fun factor, is worth it.