Smells as sweet… isn’t that how the saying goes? Or RAD by any other name, still stinks like hell?
With all this arguing over semantics, names, what do you call it, is it a spectrum, changing the DSMV, it doesn’t exist, it rarely exists, I want to stand up and shout to the world of “experts” and opinionated others “SHUT UP! COME LIVE MY LIFE AND THEN TELL ME IT DOESN’T EXIST!!!” I imagine if you are reading this blog, then you can relate.
And this, my friends, is why we are wallowing in quicksand, in my opinion. While the powers that be argue over names, we are stuck in the mire trying desperately to find qualified professionals to treat and diagnose our kids, to find supports for ourselves to get us through the worst of the times, and to educate prospective adoptive parents (if you have time for that, few of us do) and speak out against the “it’s rare or doesn’t exist” crowd so that more adoptive parents don’t get bamboozled into the pit we are currently stuck in. Education, knowledge, awareness, understanding, these are our friends.
It feels like a personal affront when some big PhD yadda yadda multi-degreed person stand up and says “I know all about this and it’s so rare it basically doesn’t exist” and you look at your child and go, “Really? So I got “the one”? Damn, I should have played the lottery instead.” Keep in mind that these blowhards talk to hear themselves talk. They write books to make money. They don’t care about us, they don’t care about our kids, they only care about having an opinion and being “right” even if they are right only in their own mind. “Don’t pay them no never mind,” as Grandma used to say. (My husband’s Grandma was a little more to the point: “No one values the opinion of an asshole.”)
My long-winded point is this: they have no dogs in the fight. Ignore the nay-sayers. Ignore the ones who argue just to argue. (Or ship your kids off to them for a few weeks, I’ve offered that a few times, amazingly, they’ve never answered….) Instead focus your energy on finding those that understand, those that support. The rest of them? Just noise, like that annoying cricket in your bedroom at night when you’re trying to sleep.
Keep on keepin’ on, you can do this, you got this.