A video recently hit the net where the commentator states that “100% of adopted children have Reactive Attachment Disorder”. This of course started an uproar just as harmful as the number of people stating that attachment issues in adopted children are extremely rare. So while the two camps are arguing over stats – and names – meanwhile there’s a whole lot of parents in the trenches trying to get treatment for their kids for an “issue that is extremely rare” and “doesn’t have a name”.
I am pleading, no, I am begging, these camps to stop arguing just to argue. I am asking the “powers that be” to stop making these all inclusive claims and look at the facts. The facts are: there are a lot of adopted kids with some very serious issues. There are a lot of adopted kids who need some serious help in the way of mental health services. There are a lot of adoptive parents who don’t know where to turn and who are being told “it’s their fault”.
This is not politics. These are children’s lives. As the lie of adoption perpetuates – that adoptive kids are just like your bio kids, they will grow up healthy, happy and with no issues regarding adoption – more families are being traumatized. More victims in the form of children already living in the home are being made, and these families have nowhere to turn. In many cases Childrens Services, who originally placed these children, turn on the families and demand relinquishment (sometimes with neglect charges, and with child support) in exchange for treatment.
We need to stand up as a group and speak out. We need to shout it from the rooftops. THIS IS NOT OUR FAULT. WE DID NOT DO THIS TO OUR CHILDREN. WE NEED HELP. OUR ONLY GOAL IS THE HEALING OF OUR CHILDREN. Together, we can make a difference. Maybe not in time for our kids, but in time for the next generation. I firmly believe adoption is important, in fact critical. I believe these kids, these hard kids, deserve a family – but the family deserves the support and help they need to help these kids, and not coverups and false promises.
Word is getting out there. We are making a difference. Keep seeking help, keep talking to other adoptive parents. Keep working on healing your kids. You are making a difference.