Too many parents start out their adoption journey feeling like they’re doing a good thing, reading all the books, attending all the seminars, preparing for the worst case scenario (or worse yet – being blindsided)… and when reality hits, and the child is uncontrollable, violent, unlovable, doesn’t want you, tries to destroy or hurt you…. They feel like they’ve gone from Hero to Zero.
That’s simply not true, my friends. You are a Hero. You will always be a Hero. Your Hero status is not dependent on your child loving or even liking you. Your Hero status is not dependent upon your child’s healing from past trauma and abuse, or mental illness. Your Hero status is not dependent upon whether or not that child remains in your home and under your care until adulthood.
There’s no guidebook here. There’s no rulebook, there’s no experts, and the learned people can’t even agree on what’s best or a diagnosis – so what hope do we mere parents have? We have hope. We have love. We have a parent’s heart. We will do whatever we can, sacrifice everything, for that child. We will fight and claw our way through so many layers of bureaucracy and red tape and plain ole bullshit to find help for our kids. We will take the verbal and sometimes physical punches. We will soak our pillows with tears at night, and in the morning, get up and do it all over again. We will do it because this is our child. However they came to us, whatever age, whatever fashion, they are ours. Even if we don’t feel like continuing, even if we don’t feel like we can go one more day, even if we don’t feel like we can take one more step – we will. We will continue to hope and pray and love this child, in the face of the worst behavior and hate thrown back at us. We will continue to care for this child even when we feel we have nothing left to give. That is what earns the hero status.
And when the time might come when your child is no longer able or safe to be in your home, and needs to live elsewhere, that does not rob you of your Hero status! When your child needs a different environment to heal, whether it be a psych hospital, and residential treatment center, a therapeutic foster home – that does not rob you of your Hero status! You’ve earned it and it will not go away.
It’s not Hero to Zero – it’s simply, Hero.