For tomorrow has enough worries of it’s own. Isn’t that how the saying goes? I meet so many parents of kids with attachment issues who are terrified of their kids’ future. Of course I get it. Are we raising the next Hitler, Manson, Bundy? Are we raising an abuser? Is our kid going to spend the rest of his life in jail? On the street? Always feeling unloved, unworthy and incapable of giving love?
We all have these fears. Some days we look in our kids’ eyes and are afraid for the world, and some days we look in our kids’ eyes and are afraid for ourselves, our family, and the rest of the time it seems we are just afraid of what the world will do to them, as vulnerable as they are. I understand. We all understand.
But for the sake of preserving our health and sanity, for the sake of taking it on one bite at a time, for the ability to not be overwhelmed constantly, we have to work hard at setting aside these very big and very real (and very valid) fears and focus on the right here, right now issues. Worrying about the future isn’t going to change a damn thing about what’s going to happen with your child, but I can guarantee you that it will change you. It will sap you of precious energy, hope, it will rob you of health, and it will change how you look at your child. That doesn’t mean ignore the dangers if they are in the here and now. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take precautions to keep pets and other children safe. It simply means don’t dwell. When you wash your car, you know it’s going to get dirty again. You accept that fact that you’re going to have to wash it again. But you don’t stress over it, freak out every time you see a mud puddle or a rain drop. At least I hope not. That’s kind of what I mean…. it’s going to rain in your kid’s life. There might be a tornado even. But just keep washing the car, expecting it to get dirty now and then, there will be some rain, and don’t stress over the future til it gets here. Prepare and be prepared but don’t dwell and obsess. Focus on the what you can do right now. Maybe all you can do is keep the windshield clean for awhile. That’s fine. Focus on that.
Each day has enough worry of its own. Don’t be dragging tomorrow’s and the next day’s worry into the mix.
Keep it real. You can do this.