I’ve recently been very humbled by an outpouring of support from a bunch of trauma mommas, many of whom don’t even know me. It’s amazing to me that this group of women, who give so much to their kids, their families, every single second of every single day, have enough of anything left inside of them to give blood, much less anything else. Yet I have found that these women are the most giving of their time, energy, finances, love, service, everything than any other ‘group’ of people I have ever met, including every church I’ve ever belonged to or been exposed to. It’s humbling to be on the receiving end of that when you know just how much these people put out in time, energy and money into their own families just to survive one day. One single day.
There are no nannies to take care of these families’ kids. There are no trust funds to fund these lives. These are hard-working people who live paycheck to paycheck like most people, scrap and save and sometimes eat ramen a few days before payday so the kids can have meat. They barely have time to shower before work with all the chaos the kids are creating, yet if you text or call one of them that you are having a hard time, they will spend their lunch hour and breaks on the phone with you, talking you through your crisis, giving up their monthly movie night to be with you or take your problem children off your hands so you can have a few hours peace. There are no Mother Theresas or Ghandis here, these are real people. These are people that fail, fall, cry, and get up and try again.
I have been trying to figure out the “why” since I have discovered there are more families like ours out there. Why are the people that you would think have the least to give seem to be the most giving and caring? Whereas little Johnny’s mom down the way has a nanny, 2 perfectly healthy children mentally, physically and emotionally, and yet “needs” vacations alone and weekly mani-pedis and date nights and girls night out every weekend and bingo night and spends every week day and most weekends never seeing her kids, but ask her to babysit your problem children or ask her to give up her mani-pedi and attend an IEP meeting with you and you’ll get the horrified look of “how dare you ask”? I don’t know. But it makes me appreciate these amazing, wonderful people even more, because I know it’s not easy.
Or maybe it’s simply the fact that when giving to another trauma family in some way, you know they’re grateful. Your trauma kids are not, in fact they will usually sabotage more the higher the cost is to you in either work or finances, so having someone be thankful is a nice payback. And maybe that’s what Johnny’s mom is missing. She’s never really needed anything, she’s only had wants. She’s been surrounded by selfish people who only had wants, not needs. So thankfulness and true gratitude are something that she’s not been exposed to.
So maybe my trauma kids have brought a facet to my life that I might not have been aware of otherwise. And perhaps they have brought out a part of me that might not be there otherwise, as well. Hmm….
Hang in there.