Sometimes it feels like we’ve read all the parenting books on trauma, all the adoption books, watched the videos, spent hours pouring through the websites, talked to other adoptive or trauma parents, talked to professionals, spent what feels like a lifetime of preparation….. and then, an issue arises, and we get a #NAILEDIT (nailed it – which if you aren’t in #speak means big fat failure). Even if you did everything exactly right, exactly by the book, you may still get a #NAILEDIT on results. You might begin to turn that failure inward, and feel that you are the problem, that you are the failure, rather than the method.
While it’s possible you misapplied some method, it’s more likely that it takes longer for that method to work with your family/child, or that the particular by-the-book method doesn’t work for your family and needs some personal tweaking. One size fits all doesn’t even fit most, as we well know, and pretty much doesn’t look good on anybody, and the same goes for these authors and professionals who have “the” answer on how to heal our kids, or at least, get along with them. The good news is that unless you’ve just brought that kid home, you know your kid, and you should have a pretty good idea by now what will work or what will explode in your face. You’ve read all the books, or if you haven’t, start reading, and pull the nuggets out of things you think will work for your particular situation, family, parenting style, child, etc. It’s ok to mix and match. As long as you’re using well known and respected references and resources, and the methods don’t conflict or contradict, you should be able to experiment and tweak and make it work.
And there’s always the option of sending your kid to the author and let them try “their” way with your kid. Although, I’ve given that offer out half a dozen times, and never gotten a reply back. Well, if you know so much and you think you have all the answers, then why not prove it? LOL
Hang in there. You know more than you think you do. And if you #NAILEDIT, try again or try something else.