“I think one of the hardest parts of being foster or adoptive parents is that you’re just not enough. Your kisses and hugs aren’t enough to fix what they’ve been through. You’re not enough to make those memories go away or fix those scars. You’re not enough to undo the damage that’s been done from abuse or neglect or alcohol or drugs….and as a mom, I want to be ENOUGH. I want to be able to make it all better and there’s just so much I can’t heal. So instead, I have to be willing to just be there with them in the middle of all that brokenness.” –Humans of Foster Care
This quote hit me hard, and explained a lot to me personally of while I feel like such a failure as a parent at times. I feel that I should be enough, that my love and care should be enough, to fix the damage done by my predecessors. If I love this child with my whole heart and would sacrifice my life for this child, wish nothing but good for this child, have nothing but good intentions for this child, bring every resource I possibly can to bring healing and support to this child, I should be enough! But that’s backwards thinking. It’s got nothing to do with me, in that sense. I’m not the final say in healing – the child’s brain and ability to heal is. My job is to do all the things I described and more – and just love, love, love this child.
So my new thought is, I AM ENOUGH. I am enough for this child because I am giving it my all, I am pouring every bit of of me into this little life in hopes that this child will find the spark of life and start to enjoy it. I am enough because I am leaving no stone unturned. I am enough because I am not giving up, even if the child needs help beyond what I can give, I am still there advocating and praying for that child. I am enough because I entered this journey with good intentions and when things went haywire, I didn’t lay down and give up. I started fighting and continue to fight. I have sacrificed and bled and cried and hurt for this child. I have prayed and screamed at the gods that no child should suffer like this child does. I am enough because I have done everything I possibly can.
Being enough doesn’t guarantee healing. But it should give a sense of peace that you didn’t hold back, you didn’t give up. No more thoughts of “maybe someone else would be a better parent to this child”. YOU are the parent to this child, and YOU ARE ENOUGH.
Take care of yourself.
Hang in there.