Guilt and the other kids

A mom recently said that she feels guilty about taking her focus off of her RAD child, who demands all her attention, and time, and energy, and if she doesn’t give all her attention and time and energy and focus to her RAD, then the RAD makes everyone’s lives miserable.  She feels that if she takes the focus off the RAD even for a little while, it may affect her healing… but it’s obvious, her other kids need her too.

My response was NO GUILT for putting other kids ahead needs in front of hers for awhile. I think of it this way, we’re at a lake and my rad is crying on the shore. But my other kid is in the lake drowning. Who do I attend to first? The noisy one making a scene or the ones who are actually drowning, but in silence? People will see me “walk away” from my screaming child on the beach, and tsk tsk me, judge me, but they don’t see my 10 yr old has just slipped under the water. The other kids deserve “all of you” at times as well.

You’re only human.  Giving to your other children, taking time for your spouse, taking time for YOURSELF will not break the healing, stop the healing, or prevent the healing of your RAD child.  Do what you need to do for the best of your entire family, and that includes you.

Hang in there.

-realmom

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