School stress

A mom with adopted kids from foster care was saying how the beginning of school – even the thought of it, as it was still a couple of weeks before school started – created such stress in her kids that they were in chaos.  They were constantly on edge and getting in trouble at daycare, at home, and everywhere they went.

My thought is this: There’s no win in this situation. Absolutely none. Consequences don’t matter usually (only you know if it does for your kids) and the stress of school and schedule changes and the unknown freaks them out and they can’t handle it. No matter what you do “after the fact” with punishment or consequences or yelling or scolding it won’t change a damn thing. The only thing that “might” change it is to change them by teaching them how to cope better with stress and change. And if you’re already addressing that through therapy, working through stuff at home… then you’re already addressing it. They can’t learn any faster than they can learn, they can’t heal any faster than they can heal. So….. my only advice is to stop letting it stress YOU out as well. Yes it sucks BIG TIME. This is not what was promised in the brochure. BUT it’s not your failing as a parent nor is it your fault as a parent, nor is a lot of it their fault either. They might be doing the best they can too with dealing with it, and the triggers going on. If you chillax to the extreme (good luck, not saying it’s easy) and let things go, roll off your back during this super stressful time, etc, it might destress or decharge the atmosphere at home a bit and help them bring it down a notch. Maybe. No promises. But (IMO) it’s really about all you can do – is work on yourself during this time, and control yourself, and see what changes you make might make a difference. The changes in them happen so slowly and over such a long time that you’re not going to see any improvement between now and school. Next year? Maybe. Hopefully. But this year? That has sailed, and now you know it sunk right off the dock. Pull it back in, patch the holes, and work on it for next year.

Hang in there.

-realmom

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