Vilifying the adoptive parents

Once again, adoptive parents trying to get help for their child are told the only option “they” have is to terminate their parental rights.  Really?  And what magic doors is this supposed to open that can’t be opened while the parents are still parents?

The media and those “not” in the know vilify parents who give their kids back to the state – not realizing that so much of the time, the state is telling them that’s the only way they can get help for those kids.  Which is, in truth, a load of bull.  It’s how the state gets those noisy parents off their backs from begging for help with these traumatized troubled kids they placed with the family, with all the promises of support and resources.  Once the child is back in state custody, it can all be swept under the rug and the child shoved back into the system, either in foster care, or in jail, never to be heard from again.  Because if the adoptive parents are no longer the parents of the child, they no longer have any rights – no right to information about where the child is, how the child is doing, whether or not they are receiving therapy, if they are alive or dead.  So now there is NO ONE in this kid’s corner to fight for proper resources and counseling and meds and whatever else the kid needs, and the child disappears along with thousands of others into the masses, eventually to end up in our jail system – or our morgues.

“That’s what the social worker’s job is,” you reply.  – Yes.  And they don’t have triple the case load they’re supposed to have, and the ones that do care and want to do a good job – those few who aren’t burnt out – can’t do their job.  And the rest, well, that’s why one was just arrested for child porn.

“The adoptive parents shouldn’t have adopted that child in the first place then,” you say.   –  And the end result would be the same, the child disappears among the masses…. the system can’t support the number of children it has.  And so these “perfectly adjusted” children are placed in adoptive homes that have no clue what they’re getting into, are not prepared, and certainly not trained.  That makes it the adoptive parents’ fault – how, exactly?

“The adoptive parents are obviously not good parents,” you say.  – That’s akin to a plumber telling a heart surgeon how to do his job.  If you haven’t been there, done that, you really have no idea what it takes. That’s not an insult, it’s just a fact.

“The adoptive parents need more training to be able to raise this child,” you say. – That’s what the adoptive parents say too.

“The adoptive parents need more resources and help when things go south, without getting vilified by CPS,” you say.  – Now you’re starting to see the big picture.

“The social workers need smaller case loads so they don’t get burnt out and can do their jobs correctly,” you add.  Adoptive parents and social workers cheer you on.

The bottom line is this, the system is broken.  It keeps getting worse and worse and pretty much the only thing it’s pumping out is the next generation of inmates and criminals, if these kids don’t get proper intervention, counseling, therapy, medication and whatever else they need to deal with their traumatic past.  And who are their birth parents?  Oh, they are the previous generation of foster children who didn’t get intervention, counseling, therapy, medication and anything else they needed to deal with their traumatic past.  The system is based on the wrongful assumption – a MYTH – that kids are absolutely resilient and can get over anything that happens to them.  That is simply ridiculous.  That is so, oh, 100 years ago, and yet in this day and age of nanobots and moon landings and seeing other galaxies with our satellites, we still believe the myth that started before cars were invented.  Knowledge of the brain and how it works – and how it’s wired, brain mapping, and all those things have come so far – and yet, we have an entire system that’s based on the world is flat system.  How is that benefitting the children?  How is that benefitting anyone?  If you don’t want to look at the individual children that are being eaten up in this maw of destruction, then look at what it’s doing to society:  the number of inmates at any given time who were foster children is astounding.  So not only is this system not helping the children, it is literally destroying society!  Yet a majority of these people – when children – if the proper intervention was introduced early enough, and they were helped, not only would they blossom in an adoptive family, they would grow up to be productive members of society, not just another picture in the mugshot database.

Instead of complaining about “crime at an all time high” and “how young people seem to have no respect” and all that – let’s fix the roots of the problem… one of them being the foster care system and what happens to those kids while in it and afterwards.  The entire system is built on crap, and well, gets worse from there.  If we want a healthy society, we need to start with the building blocks – the children.

-realmom

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