“Abortion is the worst thing”

A friend recently posted on his Facebook a meme against abortion.  It was one of those days and I went into a long detailed response of life a child lives when abused, drug addicted, emotionally and mentally damaged, etc, and asked the question, is abortion really the worst thing?  His response was “Yes, abortion really is the worst thing.”

I don’t want to get into the abortion debate, but I felt deflated.  Obviously my real message had not gotten through to someone yet again.  A life of living in constant pain, constant confusion, never belonging, where black seems white and white seems orange.  Where nothing ever makes sense to you, and you never make sense to anyone else.  A life of a RAD, a traumatized child.  A child that statistically will grow up, commit crimes, and end up in jail again and again.  A child that may or may not have help provided to him/her in their lifetime.  A child that when grown will continue the cycle of abuse, addiction, and trauma, because it’s genetically encoded at this point.

I didn’t paint a pretty picture on his post, but I didn’t paste a totally reality-based one either. It was way watered down from what most of us see our children living.  But he obviously felt it was blown way out of proportion or a one in a million chance, and not the reality we live.  Locking our bedroom doors at night, fearing for our own safety, literally fearing for our own survival, if we sleep.  They think it’s made up, or Hollywood embellished.  Never mind my one friend with the broken cheekbone from her 7 year old beating her with his fists and she was unable to keep every blow from landing in one of his rages.  Never mind the 5 yr old caught choking his 3 yr old sister to unconsciousness because he wanted her “dead and gone”, after seeing his dad do it to his mom, also someone I know.  Let’s ignore the six year who beat the cat to death.  Or having to lock up every single sharp object so your nine year old won’t cut herself and end up bleeding to death, and those sharp objects include wire tablets, pencils, pencil sharpeners, paper clips and things you’d never think would be sharp enough to make you bleed and leave a scar, but are.  If we are the one in a million families, if we are so rare, then how come I know so many of them?  How come I can go on and on and list personal examples of things like these – just from people I know? Let’s not even count the people THEY know.  And the people they know….

The only time the “regular public” hears about us is when (a) our children kills us or (b) our children kills someone else or (c) our children falsely accuse us of abuse or (d) our child commits some terrible crime.  That recently happened to two other friends of mine whose children are teens and young adults… they woke up to the morning news with their kid’s face plastered all over with the words “wanted” on it.

Hear me, people.  These are not bad parents I’m talking about.  These are parents that did their best to get the kids all the help they possibly could.  It wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t enough.

So, my friend Kevin, I respectfully disagree that a dead baby is the worst thing in life.  A dead life is the worst thing: living but being dead inside, and having that putridness permeate and affect everything and everyone you ever meet.

-realmom

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2 comments on ““Abortion is the worst thing”

  1. The point of the post is not to encourage abortion (like I said, I didn’t want to get into the abortion debate) nor to discourage anyone – ANYONE – on this path to feel their kid can’t be healed or to give up hope. Some can be healed, some can’t. Many know no matter how much you give, how hard you try, it’s not enough, though, and some kids are broken forever. We just don’t know which ones are and we have to keep throwing every resource and every bit of energy into every single child in hopes that they can eventually heal. Am I saying they would be better off dead? No, the point was supposed to be that it’s worse to live their lives, and their pain, and their confusion. And to focus on the issue of a legal choice and NOT recognize the pain and hurting of thousands upon thousands of children, to just write them off (as my friend did, as most people do), and do anything about the ones who are HERE and NOW and NEED SO MUCH HELP… and just ignore it, write them off because, well, they’re alive, so that’s enough. Just being alive is not enough. Ya know? Pro-baby should be his choice of words. He’s pro-baby. But what about after? These (our kids) were born. That’s pro-baby. But pro-life? That’s what they need now!. Thanks for pointing out the unclearness in my post. As always I appreciate criticisms and feel free to go to the blog and post comments as well.
    -realmom

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  2. Some damage just can’t be recovered from, no matter how strong or resilient one is. I agree completely that aborting a baby rather than damaging her beyond repair is the lesser of 2 tragedies.

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