How do you not parent out of fear when your child is out of control and has attachment issues?

Use the fear to do what you need to do to keep him and your family safe – motion detectors, alarms, cameras – locks – whatever it takes to alert you when he is in an area he should not be in. After that – you have to let it go and know you’ve done your best. Document everything, have a therapist and all his paperwork with his diagnosis, drs who support you, etc PRINTED OUT in a binder and take it everywhere when you go on trips. I say printed out because they take it more seriously if it’s printed off a computer vs. handwritten, even if it’s written by you. I understand your fears. I wake up every day in fear of “what’s next”… how will he escalate, will he escalate… but the future is not my problem – THIS MOMENT IS. IN THIS MOMENT I must make sure, to the best of my ability, that my family is safe, he is safe, my animals are safe (if I have any), the children in our neighborhood are safe, the things important to me are safe (keepsakes). So I do what I have to do to protect them. IN THIS MOMENT I must work on attach with this child, touch him lovingly, make eye contact with soft eyes, use a firm but gentle voice. IN THIS MOMENT I must be aware of the needs of my other children, and not let them go on the back burner regardless of the chaos my RAD is causing. If we need to go on a family trip without him, so be it. If we need to go to a movie without him, then we do. If he needs to rage in his room while my other children and I bake cookies together and sing silly songs, we do. But most important of all, in this moment, I must breathe deeply, listen to my body, and take care of myself first.

HUGS

-realmom

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