Sometimes I get so sick of my child being pitied, of being treated oh so special because of his assumed past, because of his imagined and made up stories about his present and how neglected he is, the attention he receives and soaks up for things that didn’t even happen. I get tired of the treats, and gifts, the extra everything he gets from strangers, acquaintances, teachers, because he can spin a good lie. Sometimes I just want to stand up and shout, “What about me? What about his family who has to put up with the rages, the destruction, the violence, the CRAP on a daily basis while you all fawn over him like a wounded puppy? We are the ones that should be fawned over, treated special, given gifts!”
Sometimes I wish I had some sort of obvious temporary injury, like a broken arm that sticks straight out, so that when I walk into the grocery store, complete strangers rush up to me to help me shop, buy me coffee, do nice things for me, treat me special just because of that cast. Or maybe a broken leg, stuck straight out, and people rush to move things out of my way so that I can navigate my way around. I sit and ponder that for a little bit.
Then reality starts to creep back in, where with my luck, nobody would notice that cast, and I’d end up knocking over hundreds of cans stacked up in a display, trying to get just one can, because that stupid cast was so awkward to navigate with, and two other shoppers would fall on the cans and break a leg, so then I could feel really awful.
I get up from my table, leave a tip, realizing I don’t want to be pitied. I am a strong person, I am a warrior, and this pity shit is for the birds. If I want payback for being nice, I’ll go pet puppies at the pound, nothing like a little puppy love to raise your spirits. But this raising a kid with RAD, there is no payback, at least not in the short term normally, and that’s just how it is. I’m not doing it for the paybacks, for the hugs and kisses of parenthood that were in the brochure. I’m doing to because it needs to be done and he’s my kid. I love him. I will do whatever it takes to get him the help he needs. There’s no room for pity.
Hang in there.