Over the past few days I have seen post after post on the “trauma momma” forums of moms crying with broken hearts over the pain their children have caused. One ran away to live with his volunteer “mentor” and posted on Facebook that she was the “best mom ever”. Uh, let’s not even get into the ethics here, what about the woman that dried your tears, took you to therapy, provided for you all these years, has endured all the crap you have thrown at her and still loved you? This mom was heartbroken, taking it personally. Another teen moved out the minute she turned 18 and after 11 years with adoptive family, moved back home with her biological family who abused her. That mom cries in her pillow every night, knowing her daughter that she tried so hard to help is now back in the lion’s den of drugs, alcohol, dysfunction, abuse, and quite probably, prostitution.
These are only a few of the examples. The worst examples of just a few days of posting. Imagine what people aren’t posting, people who don’t have the support online, or the courage to post when they feel like they have completely and utterly failed in parenting their hurt children.
Theses moms, these parents, these families, have NOT failed. They have NOT let their children down in any way, shape or form. They have provided all the resources they possibly could and loved the unlovable and gotten nothing but hate in return… and continued to love. Their hearts break as they watch their children – yes, THEIR children – go into situations that they know can only hurt their child worse, and they can only stand by, helpless.
These parents bear the scars on their hearts of not only the wounds their children have inflicted, but of the wounds for their children as well. They feel the hurt that the post on Facebook says of another woman being “the best mom ever” that he’s only met 2 weeks ago…. and hurt even worse with the realization that this adult is not bringing a very young, troubled teen into her house because she’s Mother Theresa, but because that child/adult is being set up once again to be used, abused, and thrown away. These parents hearts break again and again for their children, seeing the big picture of what is going to happen, or what is most likely going to happen, and their hearts are scarred.
Wear those scars with pride, because you are the only ones who care enough for these children – even if they are young adults now – to hurt for them. You are the only ones who have loved them when they are unlovable and have not thrown them away. You are still there, waiting, hoping, praying that they will come back to you. If you had not loved those children with every ounce of your being, you would not be hurting for them now. So wear those scars with pride, parents, siblings, family, because it shows you have truly loved, and have truly given of yourself. It is an honorable thing, and one that few people in the world actually do – give completely of themselves enough to scar their hearts for the sake of another, to love someone more than they love themselves.
I humbly stand before you and say, keep on. Stay steady. Cry your tears, but keep on your path. Your tears may be the only tears ever shed in love for this child.
(Note on picture: It’s hard to see, but that is the Challenger Shuttle being prepared for takeoff. )